


Nightfall

by Starbuck0322



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Chakotay Comfort, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e01 Night, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Janeway Hurting, Kathryn Janeway Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbuck0322/pseuds/Starbuck0322
Summary: It was a Captain's privilege, he had told the crew, and he had hoped they had bought it. For even if he had barely believed it himself, it was what he had to say. Captain Janeway had picked a bad time to seclude herself from the crew. The truth was, he needed her back.Cuddles ensue.Set during S05E01, "Night".
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 20
Kudos: 113
Collections: Kathryn Janeway Needs A Hug





	Nightfall

The Dark.

The Void.

The endless unknown.

No matter which way he spun it, the result was the same - fifty-three days stuck in this never-ending nothingness. Fifty-three days stuck in an expanse of black night. He had to admit - it was starting to wear him thin.

Commander Chakotay narrowed his eyes looking out the window of his modest officer's quarters. He locked his vision and attempted to focus as far into the distance as he could. He desperately searched for any sign of life, willed it from the depths of his soul; for any sign of dust particles, and gathering of clusters of stars, but nothing was showing, and according to Astrometrics nothing would for 2500 light years.

The hours passed by at an excruciatingly slow pace, making him a victim to his thoughts. And with his Captain locked away, maintaining her seclusion from her crew, he had no one to have his back; no one to turn to to help him pass the time.

It was a Captain's privilege, he had told the crew, and he had hoped they had bought it. For even if he had barely believed it himself, it was what he had to say.

She had picked a bad time to seclude herself from the crew. The truth was, he needed her back as well, and even Harry's childish optimism failed to be enough for him now.

His systematic pacing into the endless night was leaving an imprint of his footsteps on the floor of his quarters. And with nothing to push against, even the ship was quiet; an eerie quiet where he could hear his thoughts echoing within his mind.

But with the start of something showing on _Voyager's_ radar, a cluster of dangerously high theta radiation twenty-five light years away, he was beginning to feel a faint shred of hope rise within him.

It might have seemed like a long shot, and to any other ship it would seem like a day trip, but every slight deviation to their course took them that much longer to reach the finish line, to have the glowing marble of Earth in their grasp.

He was desperate to feel the hope of life aboard the ship return to normal, to diminish the frayed nerves of the crew. He would hold onto any faint thread of hope if it meant he could have his Captain back.

" _The Doctor to Commander Chakotay."_

Chakotay startled, but he shook it off before answering. "Go ahead, Doctor."

" _Can I see you for a moment? I'm in the Captain's quarters."_

=/\=

The halls of Deck 3 were quiet as Commander Chakotay turned toward the bow of the ship. The stillness in the air matched the stillness of the starless night outside the haul.

He pressed the intercom button on the door, and it buzzed, immediately whooshing open so he could enter. He came face-to-face with the Doctor.

"Doctor," Chakotay greeted, taking a look around the Captain's quarters. "Where is she?"

"Resting," the Doctor returned, looking down at his palm reader, making an addition. He looked back up at Chakotay. "At least I hope."

Chakotay sighed. "I take it you have completed your examination?"

"I have," he continued.

"And your diagnosis?"

"Melancholy. Undue stress. The feeling of the weight of the world on her shoulders - or in this case the quadrant". He returned his medical tricorder to his kit, his voice lowering. "Just your run of the mill command troubles. Nothing I have not seen in our beloved Captain for the last five years."

The Doctor seemed annoyed, more annoyed than usual. Perhaps, he felt Chakotay had wasted his time in the end.

Chakotay clasped his hands behind his back. "What do you suggest we do?".

"What I have always suggested to her. Less hours in that command chair. More free time. Fewer duties. Keeping up with the medication I prescribe for her anxiety." He turned back to his PADD. "She has refused any additional sleeping aids I have suggested."

"What more can we do?"

"I'm afraid there is nothing I can do at this point. In pulling herself away from command, she is following the code of command and regulations set out for her by Starfleet."

"I see."

"Do you know how long it's been since she logged any personal time on the holodeck?"

Chakotay wracked his brain, trying to remember the schedule. "No."

"Months," the Doctor added matter-of-factly. He sighed. "It's no wonder it's come to this." He paused, looking up from his work. His voice softened. "From what I can tell, she has been crying, Commander. It's clear she is distraught and lost in her own thoughts. In my medical opinion, putting her back in that chair at this point would be a risk to this crew. Until she returns to that chair, there is nothing I can do to outrank her as Medical Chief Officer." He closed his kit. "She is doing exactly what she should, Commander. Admirably so, she is protecting this crew by doing nothing."

"What can I do then?"

"Offer the kind ear of a confidant? You and the Captain are close, are you not? Have you attempted discussing this with her?"

"I have." Chakotay lowered his eyes. "I'm afraid she wasn't exactly completely forthcoming."

"Try harder." The Doctor picked up his medical kit. "What is it you humans do? Perhaps a hug?"

Chakotay allowed himself a wide smile. "I doubt I'd get one of those from her now." After all, he had called the Doctor on her, and knowing his Captain, she would most likely see it as a violation of their trust. Chakotay sighed, and looked up. "And I doubt it would help."

"It definitely couldn't hurt, Commander."

Chakotay crossed his hands behind his back, and looked toward the door to the Captain's bedroom. "Has she asked for me?"

"I'm afraid not". The Doctor moved toward the door and it opened for him. He paused, turning. "But I see no fault in trying." He nodded to Chakotay, and with a turn of his heel, he was gone.

Chakotay straightened his sleeves and walked across the floor to her bedroom. The room was dark and quiet. She stirred as he entered, shifting, turning her body toward him.

"It's just me," he returned, raising a hand in an attempt to not startle her.

"Chakotay?" she whispered hoarsely. She turned her back to him again. "I was wondering who he was talking to. What is it?"

"You."

She turned again lying on her back. "Ah," her tone deepened. "So it was _you_ that ordered the Doctor's personal call." Her voice was nasal, spite thick in the back of her throat, and she sniffed as she shifted in the bed. The Doctor was right; she had been crying.

His heart sank, falling to the pit of his stomach. His growing anxiety for her well-being could not be enough any longer. It was clear if he allowed this to continue, he could risk losing her.

"I thought we trusted each other," she added.

"We do." He took an uninvited seat beside her on her bed. "Captain, the crew are worried about you."

She rolled her eyes upward and he could see the tears brimming. "Tell them I'm fine."

"I'm worried about you." There; he had said it. "And I can't lie to them anymore."

The worry spread across his face instantly, refusing to hide behind his veil. It was clear it struck her, as her face tightened and the tears fell.

She began to turn her head away from him, but he reached out to cup her cheek, stopping her from turning from him.

"I'm sorry," she said hoarsely and his thumb moved across her cheek catching the tears as they fell.

Her face was warm in his hand; skin, soft as he soothed. "It's okay," he offered in a low hush. His hand moved to her hair, and his pushed it from her brow. "Kathryn, please talk to me."

Her face contorted at his use of her name. "You're not supposed to see me like this." She choked back a sob as his fingertips continued to push through her hair.

"Why not?"

She returned nothing but a sigh.

"Is this the part where I tell you that you made the correct command decision? That you saved an entire people from the risk of extinction? That the crew is alive and well and our mission is already considered a success."

"You've told me that before." She sniffed. "Several times."

"And I'll keep repeating myself until you believe it."

"Because it's your job?"

"Partly." He moved his hand from her hair to cup her cheek again. "But more because you're my friend."

She smiled slightly against his palm, and her eyes relaxed. "I'm normally better at this. I feel like I'm falling apart."

"You're not falling apart." He found her shoulders and held them gently, palms flat against the soft fabric of her comforter. "You're exhausted. Overworked. Stressed." His eyes danced across her face. "You need down time. To let go of your burden for a while."

Her hands moved beneath the sheets and found her face. She turned her body toward him to lay on her side.

He placed a hand to her back. "The Doctor tells me you have been neglecting your holodeck time."

"I've been busy."

"How long has it been?"

She paused, searching her memories. "I don't know. Too long."

He lowered his head, inhaling deeply. "I feel like this is my fault."

"How could it be?"

"It's my duty to monitor the crew, and I've neglected to do that for my Captain."

"You can't blame yourself for my current state."

"Ah, but you are my responsibility." He looked up slowly, smiling warmly. "So how can I help?"

"I don't know."

He rubbed her back. "The holodeck could be a useful tool. Especially for you. I thought you had a few holonovels to get lost in. What about DaVinci's study?"

"So that's what will cure me. A bit of free time."

"No," he smiled as she looked at him. "But it can't hurt to get out of your head for a few hours. And you do need sleep. The Doctor tells me you haven't been sleeping well."

"So much for confidentiality," she whispered. "I don't want a further sedative. I'm already numb."

"The Doctor thinks some open conversation and a hug might help."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. It certainly can't hurt."

"And that's where you come in, I suppose."

"It was a toss up between me or Tuvok."

"Options," she said jokingly.

"So would you like one?"

"A hug?" She raised an eyebrow. "Do I need to remind you that I'm the Captain?"

"Captain's don't hug?" He smiled.

"We do. We certainly don't go around hugging our First Officer's in our beds."

"You sure about that?" He cocked his head, attempting to draw her eyes to his. "Pretty sure Commander Riker would do anything for Captain Picard, if he asked."

The smile grew quickly across her face and her cheek bones rose. She offered a quiet chuckle.

"Do you trust me?" he asked solemnly.

She paused, licked her lips. "I do."

"Then you know I have nothing but respect for you." He placed a hand to her covered arm.

She let his words linger for a moment before she finally nodded, and her face grew more serious.

"Do you want me to come down there?"

"Ok," she whispered.

He moved to the other side of the bed and unzipped his jacket, and sat to remove his boots. He turned and inched toward her form. "Let's see if I remember how to do this," he offered jokingly.

Resting his head just above her on the pillow, he slowly lowered his arm on her form. From the stiffness of her shoulders, it was apparent that she was nervous.

Her breathing was short and shallow at first, but the more his body weight comfortably took up the space behind her, the more she began to relax in his arms. He felt her shoulders drop, and her head move, and he realigned himself to melt against her body.

=/\=

It was quite some time before she allowed herself to shift in his embrace. She moved carefully to reposition herself, rolling within the sheets to face him. Their eyes met and he offered a sleepy smile.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "It's been awhile."

He exhaled, and gently rubbed her arm through the blankets. "Same here."

She shifted under his touch and a heavy sigh escaped her; shocked by the weight as it lifted from her body. "Since Mark," she offered freely.

His lips pressed together as his hand continued to play across her back. She watched his eyes close finally, as his lips parted and a tender smile came to him.

"It has been awhile."

"It's not as if I have opportunity. The Delta Quadrant isn't exactly crawling with possible suitors".

"No, but you do have the holodeck at your disposal." His hands had found her hair and she let her eyes close. Gently, he caressed her hairline.

She waited to answer him. "I can't do that."

"You just need the right holonovel. We could write you a new one. B'Elanna is pretty good at it."

It was true - the holodeck was an option. One could get lost in the environment, the simulated world that could be altered with the push of a button, with the slightest voice command. One could get engrossed in the characters and storyline, forgetting about the holo-emitters playing tricks on the senses.

But she preferred organic. She preferred the warmth of a body. The human interaction. The unknown. The risk.

And his musky scent from a long day working aboard the ship was reaching her senses, and gravitating her body toward him. For the first time in a long time, her body was taking control.

She wanted his warmth wrapped around her; longed for the comfort of his arms to take her under.

Her hands slowly rose from the depths of the blankets to touch his chest. Slowly, she rhythmically played with the fabric of his grey tee between her fingertips.

"Come in here with me."

"Yes, ma'am."

He obliged without hesitation, shifting his body weight to crawl under the sheets with her.

She was dressed in a silk nightgown with thin straps; shoulders and arms bare. He paused and looked down at her. Perhaps it was more skin than he was expecting, but he dutifully climbed beside her, taking her body in his arms, relaxing fully beneath the sheets.

She pulled in tight to him, exhaling as his arms encircled her. His shoulders and chest were bigger than she was expecting. Stripped of their uniforms, she felt tiny beside him.

"Better," he asked. Her soft skin rose to meet him as he placed a palm against her back.

She curled her head into his chest, breathing him in. "Yes," she whispered, afraid someone would hear her as her insides turned happily.

She wanted to forget the pain and the turmoil of the past few months. She wanted to dissolve against him, wrapped safely in his arms. He was moving his hands lightly over her body, sending little pricks to her skin, awakening sensations she thought she had lost.

She finally released a breath but a little moan escaped with it, and she stiffened slightly, afraid it would give her away. If he had heard it, he made no reaction, but continued with his caress of her back, her hair, her sides.

She squeezed him tightly and sank against him, deepening her dreamlike state.

Moments passed by, noticeable only by the ticking of an analog clock she kept across the room - an old memento from her grandfather; a keepsake. It was a reminder that even in this dark night, in this dead space, time was still constant.

She allowed herself to pass in and out of her dream, giving and taking as his hands moved over her body.

She turned her head upward finally, saw his eyes closed. He, too, seemed lost in a dream.

He stopped, feeling her weight shift in his arms. "Captain?"

"Please, Chakotay," she sighed. "Not while you are holding me."

He smiled. "Are you all right, Kathryn?" He seemed to pause at her name, gently releasing it off his tongue.

"Yeah, I'm good," she reassured, and offered him a smile.

"Want me to stop?"

"Please..." The smile left her lips and she sank toward him again, placing a hand to his chest. "Don't make me say it."

He said nothing, and continued with his motions. His hands moved smoothly over her skin and she wondered if he was getting lost with her body pressed against him.

With command, and suits, it was easy to forget her own femininity. But comfortably locked in his arms, with his hands moving easily over soft skin and silk garment, revealing more skin than she was used to showing him, she was beginning to rekindle her own desires.

She wanted to lock these feelings deep within her, fully aware they could not last forever. Eventually, he would have to leave her side.

"I must say," she offered, seemingly interrupting a daydream as his hands froze on her skin. "You are quite good at this."

"You don't think our Vulcan friend could do the same?"

She shook her head, smiling. "He'd be like hugging a board."

He moved his hand to her face as they laughed together. "That's better," he confessed. His fingertips moved down her jawline, and followed the line of her smile.

She reached up to take his hand, and kissed the center of his palm. She clasped his hand, and held it against her chest. "I'm sorry for all this," she confided.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry for putting you through this."

"It's no bother."

"Chakotay…" she trailed. She waited until his eyes reached her before she continued. "I know you have feelings for me." She kissed his fingers. Placed his palm against her cheek so he could touch her again.

He smiled. "Can you blame me?"

She returned his smile, but it sank from her lips. "You know I can't reciprocate. That I'm unable-"

"I know."

"It's just-"

"It's all right."

He ran his fingers through her hair and stopped at the base of her neck. She let her eyes close, and her lips parted. A small gasp escaped her.

She looked up and watched him smile, taking pleasure in his new discovery. His fingertips trailed, teased the nape of her neck, and her hands instantly reached out to rest flat against his chest.

"I don't have the luxury-"

Her voice had now lowered, deep in the back of her throat. She gasped slightly as he found a trigger point.

Unable to hide it any longer - Kathryn Janeway was enjoying herself.

She looked up, to his pouty lips that called to her.

She wanted him to take her neck with lips and teeth and tongue. To draw lines. To nip gently. To be the one to cause the moans to escape from deep within her. So he could feel the rush of her body beneath the touch of his hand. To send her rocking beneath him, writhing in pleasure, until he could call her his own.

"If I may say..." he said, breaking her from her reverie. He moved his hand to her shoulder, trailed soft touch down her arm. "Mark is a damn fool."

Her blue eyes met his in the dim light again, shocked by his confession. "He couldn't have been expected to wait forever."

"I would."

Her brow furrowed with concern. "It's far too late in the evening for this, Chakotay," she warned. "And we are precariously close, and I am showing far too much skin."

His hand found her hand and he pulled her fingers to his lips. "I'd wait 70,000 light years for you, just to have an ounce of this."

"Please…" she trailed, as his breath touched her fingertips.

"Do you want me to go?"

A guilt swept over her, but still she said, "No."

He placed a kiss to her palm, and her eyes closed.

"You told me to trust you," she reminded him.

"That's before I pulled you into my arms." He smiled at her, paused for a beat, and then, "Sleep," he commanded. "As difficult as it is, I promise to keep a professional composure. You sleep and let me worry about things for a while."

She closed her eyes and returned his smile, and curled inward toward his chest. With a deep sigh, she wrapped her arm around his body, tugging his heat toward her.

"Thank you," she said. "You always know what I need."

"What's a First Officer for?"

"I wonder where I'd be without you."

"Thankfully, you'll never know."

=/\=

They were silent and she drifted off. He dared not close his eyes, refusing to succumb to the heaviness of sleep that was creeping up on him. He would not allow himself to lose a minute of the gift of this time that was allotted to him.

The clock continued to tick the seconds by. A pounding reminder of the countdown; to the time when he would have to roll from her side, crawl from their comforting embrace, to pad across the floor from her, abandoning the current state of happiness they had created.

And tomorrow… go back to being Captain and Commander. Of duty. Of obedience. Of command and structure.

When her hand fell silent against his side, and the weight of her arm collapsed fully on him, he allowed himself to tilt his head forward placing his lips to the top of her head.

"Goodnight, Kathryn," he whispered, placing another kiss, this time lingering against her skin, making note of how she felt. He licked his lips, breathed in her hair, and finally let himself drift finding a serenity he had not known until this night.

That was his Kathryn - she was his peace.


End file.
